help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
