Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
