someone threw a dead crab at me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
