Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
