We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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