I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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