Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
