if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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