when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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