No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
