a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
