If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
