Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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