dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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