508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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