i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
