Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
