I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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