Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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