the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
