Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
