Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
