i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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