Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.

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(303): View more from Colorado

They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.

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(229): View more from Georgia

I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea

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(843): View more from South Carolina

You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends

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(402): View more from Nebraska

You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there

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(773): View more from Illinois

All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.

(1-416): View more from Toronto

Yea, I had a bad night too aha

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.

(214): View more from Texas

What brownies? Ohmygod.

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