You made me cry and you don't even care
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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