her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
