he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
