you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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