I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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