not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
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Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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