I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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