fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
