I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
