WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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