I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
