I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
