I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
