you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
