the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
