Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
as a side note pls kill me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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