Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
