I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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