Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
