I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
