Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
