You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
