You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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