Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
