New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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