They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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