if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
50% drunk capacity currently
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just puked most of my soul out..
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