I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Do vagina's smell?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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