Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
