I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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