I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
