im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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