Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
