my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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